Jackpot Reopening in June

Jackpot Reopening in June

April, 01, 2011 , by Khaner

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The Jackpot today announced it will be reopening its doors on June 3, much to the delight of Raleigh hipsters in all corners of downtown.  In a statement released to the media this morning, the local favorite will be launching under new ownership:

"There were several setbacks, namely it took a while for us to scrub the walls clean of all the tar and nicotine. We're hopeful the health inspector will let us pass as we're really not serving any food and no one cares anyway."

Efforts to resurrect the defunct bar were met with resistance at first, including opposition from the Raleigh City Council, YMCA, IHOP and the Cameron Village Neighborhood Association.  Said Sally Sue, president of the Cameron Village Neighborhood Association, "There were far too many vandals and unscrupulous looking people there at night. The cans of PBR littered throughout the neighborhood just became too much.  Enough is enough! We are going to fight this reopening and make the Raleigh City Council hear our side of the story."

To combat the negative publicity, several Jackpot regulars formed a "Hooray Jackpot is Reopening" group on Facebook - however quickly disbanded once they remembered Facebook was too mainstream.

A hearing on Jackpot's reopening is scheduled for late April, Tuesday the 19th.  Ownership is encouraging supporters to attend the Raleigh City Council meeting on their beloved bar's behalf - they urge attendees to not wear sunglasses inside.

 

This was posted on April Fools' Day 2011.

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  • Sporko
    04/01 02:38 AM

    The Jackpot always had a particular odor….kinda like some used urinal cakes that were lit on fire, rubbed all over the bar and then someone tried to clean up with used hobo spitting tobacco.

    No amount of cleaning can get rid of that smell.

  • Jack
    04/01 05:08 AM

    Ha Ha Ha April Fools.

  • crankasaurus
    04/01 08:55 AM

    hahaha love the pic. good april fools smile

    actual fb post from last week “friend and i decided the only thing left in the jackpot bathrooms was a giant festering gential wart blossoming with cocaine and broken dreams.”

  • boogerface
    04/01 11:21 AM

    this is totally an april fools joke. i feel like NR had the same joke last year about it closing :/

  • Tom
    04/01 01:58 PM

    I miss J Pot sooooo much. Neptunes cannot sustain me.

  • Drew
    04/01 02:14 PM

    Not funny. :(

  • pissed off hipster
    04/01 03:44 PM

    Booo.  This joke hurts my soul.

  • thwackukulele
    04/01 03:48 PM

    A good April Fools joke makes you sad or angry at first. That way, when you realize you’ve been had, you feel relieved, not disappointed.

    Y’all aren’t doing it right.

  • ?
    04/12 04:43 PM

    This is embarrassingly not witty.  Keep reading the onion for pointers.

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