Review: Immortals

It's funny, the little things about a director's personal life that you can pick up on just by watching his films. By now it's a well-known fact that Quentin Tarantino has a thing for feet; hence, the thirty closeups of female toes per film. Alfred Hitchcock was a control freak and realized the only way he could hold this control over the beautiful women he wished for that were out of his league would be by directing motion pictures. Hell, Vertigo was little more than wish fulfillment played across a big screen for the man.

Tarsem Singh, director of the new fantasy film Immortals, shows us once again that he really just needs a hug. I'm guessing from his father would be best, followed by a game of catch.

Singh is still best known in the film world by his debut film, The Cell. Do not misinterpret that as praise for the film; it is usually regarded as one of the most disturbing movies made of the 2000s. One thing that was clear from the very beginning, however, was that Tarsem was a very visual director, placing entire scenes inside of classic pieces of art.

That tactic has followed him to his third feature, Immortals. Henry Cavill stars as Theseus, a peasant that is looked down upon by his entire village, as he is the result of his mother being gang-raped years ago. Of course, this leads to scenes where everyone calls his mother a whore, so he's a bit surly. Zeus has been training Theseus in combat since he was a child, preparing him for the oncoming battle against King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke). Hyperion is in search of a magical bow that will set the fallen Titans free, hopefully killing the gods in the process, as they didn't answer his prayers to save his sick wife and child. It's that kind of movie.

For those who may have skipped the above section, I just want to point out once again that Mickey Rourke is playing an ancient ruler, and that is where we run into our first major problem with the film: casting. Mickey Rourke is a fine actor. If I were making a film about, say, used car salesmen, I'm sure Rourke would be great in it. But don't hire the guy to play anyone in anywhere B.C. unless it's a Zucker film and you're going for a laugh. Walking in, the biggest question on my mind was what kind of accent Rourke would use for the movie. The answer? His own. That's right, not even a crappy attempt at a regional dialect like in Iron Man 2. This is like watching a remake of The Last Temptation of Christ, only none of the actors give a crap.

With Tarsem, though, you don't really go for the acting; it's all about the visuals, and I have to admit that the film is pretty beautiful at times. The set design here is great, from the underground burial chambers to the fortresses where the warring factions do battle. Tarsem's influences really stand out, and while I believe he needs to improve as a director of actors by leaps and bounds, his eye for detail is already at the top of the game in Hollywood.

I have to be honest, this was a hard film for me to review. Though I wouldn't say this is a terrible film, I'm not really sure I would recommend anyone run out and see it either. I guess I could always play toward tastes: if you like swords, beheadings, multiple throats being cut graphically, and medieval castration, this is the film for you. If not, I'm sure Jack and Jill is playing right next door.

Photo by Jan Thijs – © 2011 War of the Gods, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

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