Hey Laura, seen this ad? It’s about you. You should contact this dude. He thinks you “spit hot fiyah”. (That is not Laura in the photo above. At least I don’t think it is.)
We got a big kick out of this Craigslist ad posted yesterday.
If the two of you meet and go out, please volunteer to write your sides of the date on New Raleigh. Your tales will “spit hot fiyah” on the site fo sho!
so, i go to morning times a lot. like, a lot a lot. i like the biscuits, the iced latte is always on point, staff is chill, and most importantly i work like 5 doors down.
i’ve seen a lot of pretty ladies at morning times/raleigh times/the general yupster raleigh downtown scene…but yesterday at lunch…d-d-damn. laura who was at morning times, you spit hot fiyah.
i was the guy immediately behind you in line, dressed in mad generic business casual and a hacked up face. i looked kinda like jumaine from flight of the conchords, only if jumaine had recently undergone some horrific skin affliction. first off, i noticed you immediately because you were rocking glasses, and that is instant +1. second off, you were greeted by the staff (this is how i know you’re ‘laura’—see how observant and intelligent i must be?) and while i really like the crew at morning times, they’re usually pretty tough to get too excitable. in fact not only were you greeted with relative fanfare, the dude barista actually *bought you your shot*. so clearly, you’re some sort of special person of note that i should try to get in good with. third off, when my iced la came out, i had to kinda reach over you to get it, and you didn’t even shoot me a dirty look despite that being TOTALLY called for. so you’re probably pretty nice, or at least, polite.
i swear i’m normally not a huge pussy, and would typically take the opportunity at one of these moments to say something witty and engaging, probably regarding the fact that you had a shot bought for you. but first, um, you’re mecha hot, and second, i had just shaved off my beard that morning for the first time in a while so my confidence was way out of whack because no joke my face looked like it had been savaged by lemurs. also, i felt dressed like a vag because my shirt was one i’ve had since the 10th grade that i keep saying i’m going to give to goodwill since it isn’t remotely in-style any more. not that these superficial things should matter to my overall level of confidence but um….see point the first.
in conclusion, you should respond so that i can take you out for coffee and a sandwich sometime, not that you need me to buy those for you.
i realize you probably have a boyfriend, in which case you should go listen to the new cee-lo single which i cannot post because craigslist wont allow me to.