Totally Classified: Yo Laura, What Up Girl?

Totally Classified: Yo Laura, What Up Girl?

August, 25, 2010, by Jedidiah

Advertise on NR

UPDATE: Connection Made: Jemaine and Lara to Date.

Hey Laura, seen this ad? It’s about you. You should contact this dude. He thinks you “spit hot fiyah”. (That is not Laura in the photo above. At least I don’t think it is.)

We got a big kick out of this Craigslist ad posted yesterday.

If the two of you meet and go out, please volunteer to write your sides of the date on New Raleigh. Your tales will “spit hot fiyah” on the site fo sho!

so, i go to morning times a lot. like, a lot a lot. i like the biscuits, the iced latte is always on point, staff is chill, and most importantly i work like 5 doors down.

i’ve seen a lot of pretty ladies at morning times/raleigh times/the general yupster raleigh downtown scene…but yesterday at lunch…d-d-damn. laura who was at morning times, you spit hot fiyah.

i was the guy immediately behind you in line, dressed in mad generic business casual and a hacked up face. i looked kinda like jumaine from flight of the conchords, only if jumaine had recently undergone some horrific skin affliction. first off, i noticed you immediately because you were rocking glasses, and that is instant +1. second off, you were greeted by the staff (this is how i know you’re ‘laura’—see how observant and intelligent i must be?) and while i really like the crew at morning times, they’re usually pretty tough to get too excitable. in fact not only were you greeted with relative fanfare, the dude barista actually *bought you your shot*. so clearly, you’re some sort of special person of note that i should try to get in good with. third off, when my iced la came out, i had to kinda reach over you to get it, and you didn’t even shoot me a dirty look despite that being TOTALLY called for. so you’re probably pretty nice, or at least, polite.

i swear i’m normally not a huge pussy, and would typically take the opportunity at one of these moments to say something witty and engaging, probably regarding the fact that you had a shot bought for you. but first, um, you’re mecha hot, and second, i had just shaved off my beard that morning for the first time in a while so my confidence was way out of whack because no joke my face looked like it had been savaged by lemurs. also, i felt dressed like a vag because my shirt was one i’ve had since the 10th grade that i keep saying i’m going to give to goodwill since it isn’t remotely in-style any more. not that these superficial things should matter to my overall level of confidence but um….see point the first.

in conclusion, you should respond so that i can take you out for coffee and a sandwich sometime, not that you need me to buy those for you.

i realize you probably have a boyfriend, in which case you should go listen to the new cee-lo single which i cannot post because craigslist wont allow me to.

UPDATE: Connection Made: Jemaine and Lara to Date.


See the The Morning Times {categories show="257|236|256|96" show_group="9" limit="1"}{category_name}{/categories} page.

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Morning TimesTotally Classified


  • logantv
    08/25 10:50 AM

    “mecha hot” hahaha, ftw. good luck duder.

  • Tony Woodard
    08/25 11:46 AM

    I was with him until the phrase ‘huge pussy’.

    Um.. no. Just no.

  • rdugirl
    08/25 12:35 PM

    Funny stuff…but why don’t people use proper capitalization and spell check (drives me crazy!)  Regardless, this post made me laugh out loud.  Team Juamine!!

  • 150
    08/25 01:38 PM

    And that was the last time Laura was ever seen in Morning Times.  Way to ruin it for her, weirdo.

  • RG
    08/25 02:03 PM

    Ahahaha!!!! Poor Laura, one of the coolest girls in Raleigh

  • HeMan
    08/25 03:13 PM

    Can I be your friend Jumaine?  I’m certainly not as hot as Laura and I won’t give you sex but I would love to scour Downtown Raleigh yupster spots in search of “Lauras” while PBR flows like the salmon of Capa-Strana.

  • Sheik Yerboutti
    08/25 03:39 PM

    I am in love with the girl in this picture! How many people check those missed connections? I need to keep an eye on that - maybe I’m missed?!

  • DestructoKlutz
    08/25 04:41 PM

    In my opinion Laura is one of the most beautiful women in Raleigh, flawless skin, winner smile, and pretty pretty eyes! GORGEOUS! Can you blame the dude for being speechless?

  • Betsy
    08/25 05:04 PM

    Oh laws.  Women’s body parts as an insult? stay the hell away.  Post-patriarchy FAIL

  • CJT
    08/25 05:57 PM

    This is the worst kind of humor for the simplest minds.  Someone with such poor English certainly wouldn’t take the time to type this much of it.  “only if jumaine had recently undergone some horrific skin affliction”  who would describe himself as such?

    Why would this be posted on an editorial website?

  • smitty
    08/25 07:41 PM

    CJT, please take your reason and grammar nazism elsewhere, especially when you have not correctly proofread your own capitals.  Craigslist is a comedy goldmine.

  • Phil B
    08/25 07:54 PM

    See newraleigh? How hard was that? And look at the response your getting!
    Wish you were more like detroitblog and less like, well, newraleigh. This is a step in the right direction.

  • jumanji!
    08/25 08:10 PM

    If Laura turns out to be some good ol’ street hooker that gets her mornin’ wake up call at the times, and the barista was just shootin’ her a complementary tip…now that would would be an article that spat some hot jumainju! 

    Oh you simple simpletons, how dare you lark about with your words…let’s us keep this strictly on the level…you third class Titanic passengers…I do love some biscuits though.

  • Phil B
    08/25 08:12 PM

    ^^This fucking guy.

  • amanda
    08/26 10:45 AM

    ha ha ahahahahhhahha!  oh I love it!  thanks for the laugh today.

  • Chico
    08/27 07:56 PM

    Kudos for putting yourself out their partner. You can’t succeed if you don’t try, and if you haven’t failed you haven’t tried hard enough.

  • hartdungeonpromo
    08/27 09:35 PM


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